Afterlife
by Mr Whiskers McMuffin
Summary: A soulmate will always find you. Wherever you are. Whenever you are.
1. Chapter 1

_Hey guys, yes I'm finally back! Thank you so much for the nice feedback you sent me about Antiquity Paily it means a lot, and thank you for following me here too! Thanks a lot to the best beta-reader of the world emma . ray, your support and encouragement mean a lot to me._

 _New reader: A few moments will refer to what happened in "Antiquity Paily" in the future -another fiction that you can take as a prologue to this one- but they won't be major so it's totally up to you to read it first (or not)._

 _Here we go._

* * *

 _Looking from a window above, it's like a story of love  
Can you hear me  
Came back only yesterday  
I'm moving further away  
Want you near-_

"Fuuuuck."

"Paige! Language!" scalded my mom.

"My cassette player's batteries died, again!"

"We're arriving anyway," said my dad. "You've been listening to your thing the whole journey, it would do you good to put down the headphones and participate in the conversation."

"I don't really get the point. It's not like I'm enjoying myself talking to you two. I didn't wanna move to this crummy town in the first place," I said, crossing my arms on my chest and killing the back of their heads with my eyes.

"Paige, we didn't really have a choice," said my mom with a softer voice. "You dad's job is really important. You can invite Spencer whenever you like, I'm sure he'll be happy to help you decorate the little surprise we have for you."

"You really think that buying me with 'surprises' is going to make me enjoy this dump? He's going to college anyway, he won't have free days to make the journey. I don't get why I couldn't move in with him."

"Paige that's enough," said my dad. "You're seventeen, you're way too young to know what you want, even less to start living with a boy."

As the very mature person I was, I put my hands on my ears and started to chant.

 _ALL I NEEDED WAS THE LOVE YOU GAAAAVE_

 _ALL I NEEDED FOR ANOTHEEEEER DAAAAAAY_

"Oh come on Paige, stop it. We're here."

My dad drove the car through a big rusted fence and I discovered what was going to be my house for the first time. I had seen it from polaroids my mom had shown me but what photos don't give you is the crippling feeling down your spine and chills at the back of your neck. The house was huge - it had three storeys and windows on the roof showed that an attic was overhanging the house. I was half scared, half excited.

I whispered: "Scarciting."

"What?" asked my mom.

"Nothing," I muttered. "The house seems...old."

"It is," answered my mom.

She was excited and turned to the backseat to look at me. I feigned a smile. She was a victim just as I was, forced to follow my father due to his promotion as bank manager. I didn't see the glory in being head of a bank in such a small city but from what I understood the pay was much better than our previous situation. With luck, it would put him in a better mood to boss other people than me around, and I could spend the next holidays at Spencer's.

"You'll see Paige, the rooms are huge and we're gonna have so much fun painting and decorating it. You'll even be able to chose what music we'll listen to while working," she said with a cunning smile.

That time I didn't have to feign it, I was smiling, with all my heart in it. I forgot for a second that my friends and boyfriend were thousands of miles away and I started to be really into this decoration project. Seeing my mom really happy for the first time in forever was heart warming.

"So..." I asked, a mischievous look on my face, "are there ghosts in the house?"

My mom laughed as my dad was parking the car in front of a huge porch with worn planks of wood. The attacks of time were pretty obvious and it seemed that nobody had lived in this house for decades. A woman - probably the real estate agent - came out of the house. She was all fake teeth out and I was wondering if I should put my sunglasses to not be blinded by them. She was wearing a pink suit and was making grand movements with her arms like she was trying to fly as a way to greet us - definitely the real estate agent.

"Mr and Mrs McCullers, welcome to your home! Hello little one! I'm Ms Vanderwaal! "

I wasn't really the kind of girl you'd wanna call "little one". I was 5ft 6ins, pretty fit and absolutely didn't care about that fluorescent fashion you saw everywhere that made you look like a stupid Barbie doll from outer space. I was wearing my favourite torn out jeans, a white shirt and Spencer's leather jacket with chains. CHAINS LADY.

"Hi Ms Vanderwaal. Nice suit," I mumbled.

"Thank you young lady! Nice erm... jeans! Did you have a good journey?"

"It was okay," said my dad, as if he was trying to shut me off. "Not too much traffic. We should go inside, I guess we have some final papers to sign."

"Absolutely," answered Ms Vanderwaal. "Follow me doll!"

My mom gave me the most supplicating look she could demonstrate. _Fine mom, I won't say anything bad to the nice lady. Even if she gave me two horrible nicknames in the space of 60 seconds._

We entered the house and it took my breath away. The hall was huge and facing me was an enormous staircase. My eyes were wide open as I was finally awake from the doldrums of the journey. The lady was still walking towards a room on the right and I was still standing, immobile, my mouth slightly open, in awe. In truth, the building looked more like a manor than a house. The staircase was slightly curved to the left, with a big wooden handrail, and from what I could see from here, was probably leading to a corridor that was crossing the house from right to left, announcing rooms I was yearning to explore.

My mom took a step back to get close to me.

"I knew you'd like it," she whispered in my direction.

"Yeah yeah, it's fine." I said, following her to what was probably going to be the living room. I knew that she knew I was in awe, just by seeing the hall and the staircase, but I didn't want to show too much enthusiasm as I was still mad. But slightly less.

We joined my father who was looking over some papers with the real estate agent.

"So, what are your first impressions rabbit?"

 _Rabbit...? What is she on and where can I find some?_

I decided to ignore it.

"It's ace," I said. "Strange that it hasn't been occupied in so long."

My father gave me a death stare.

"Well..." started Ms Vanderwaal, "there were occupants but they left pretty quickly. You will find some stuff they left in the attic. Health issue if I recall, they moved to Florida."

"They left **so** quickly they forgot stuff?!" I asked suspiciously.

"Paige that's enough," barked my dad.

"It's okay," said Ms Vanderwaal with a laugh. "Youth's ardour hahaha. Well they were pretty eager to move out but don't be afraid young lady, everything is fine with the house. Just a new coat of paint and you'll live in a palace. And you'll see, the town is very nice and I'm sure you'll make friends very quickly."

"But-"

My dad's stare stopped me.

"Thank you, Ms Vanderwaal."

"My pleasure!" She then turned to my dad. "Well I guess we have everything! I wish you a good installation and if you need anything, I'm one phone call away! Bye doll!"

My father accompanied her to the door and my mom grabbed my arm.

"Come on Paige, I'm gonna show you your surprise."

"Can't I explore the house first?"

"It's part of the exploration," she said with a smile.

My mom was nothing like my dad. She wasn't very present at times but I knew she was always caring. She had sweet words when my father had upset me and a smile that could melt a frozen heart. He was the strict one. Always on my back to tell me how to dress, how to behave, pushing me further at swim practice...and without my mom he would have probably tried to control who I dated. He had cut me some slack since I learned we were moving but a snarky comment on his part or a slap at the back of my head were never far away.

I followed her up the stairs, my hand slowly caressing the bannister, mechanically collecting dust with my fingertips. My guess became truth - the first floor offered a long corridor, going in both directions, the promise of several rooms to redecorate, but my mother didn't stop there. I rushed a bit to catch up with her while she was walking towards another staircase, much smaller and steeper this time. We weren't talking and I loved that she knew me well enough to let my thoughts wander without having to maintain small talk. We arrived to another floor that was a lot dustier, a sign that nobody had set foot there in ages. But again she didn't stop there. She moved to the end of the corridor and opened another door, leading to another staircase, even smaller and steeper than the second one. She stood there, smiling at me.

"Come on Paige, up we go!"

"What is this?" I asked "Is it a torture chamber or something?"

She laughed and pretended to sulk while very slowly closing the door.

"Well if you don't want your surprise..."

"NOOOO," I screamed, a bit louder than I thought judging by my mother's face.

"Okay okay, Paige," she said with a laugh. "I'm going first as the lock is a bit hard but just so you know... everything behind this door is for you."

I was having a really hard time containing my excitement. Was she offering me the whole space? Or was there something else behind this door?

She showed me an old key, probably made of lead as it seemed very heavy, the kind of keys you see in old movies when they try to open a crypt or a big safe.

"This will be yours too."

So my own space and I will be able to lock the door? I figured my dad wouldn't have been really pleased with that idea.

She climbed the stairs while I stayed on this floor, the smallness of it not allowing me to follow her. I heard my mom playing with the lock and grumbling a bit.

"Are you okay?" I asked, loud enough for her to hear me.

"The door won't open. I'll have to ask your dad to look at it when he's free. Ugh I'm sorry Paige," she said while coming down the stairs.

"Let me try."

I was determined to discover my surprise as it would soften the pain of being here, away from Spencer and my friends.

"Go ahead," she said, laughingly mocking my stubbornness a little.

She handed me the key and I climbed the stairs, watching where I put my feet carefully, a bit afraid that a step would break under my weight due to their apparent oldness. I arrived at a worn door with some kind of markings on it. Someone had probably tried to scrub some graffiti or a kid had fun with a marker and a pissed nanny had to clean it or whatever.

I put the key in the lock, put my left hand on the handle and the door opened instantly, without me having to unlock it. _Weird._

"Moooom? It's opeeeeen!" I screamed, proud of myself but a bit baffled. She had probably opened it but wanted to surprise me and let me be the first to discover the room.

"Oh how strange," I heard her mumble. "Okay then, enter, I'm right behind you!"

I pushed the door and my jaw dropped. It was an immense attic with exposed beams, a wooden floor and a huge round window at both ends. The walls were in serious need of paint and there was a lot of furniture that would probably need to be brought to the waste handling - maybe some could be saved, like that old wardrobe - but the space was so huge and promising that I wasn't focusing on the details. The fact that it was right under the eaves offered an intense light, even in that far advanced afternoon. The room's potential was almost unlimited.

I heard my mother's steps behind me that were more and more heavy, as a way to draw me out of my reverie.

"Come on Paige, you can enter further," she laughed.

"All of this... for me ?"

"Yes daughter, it is. You can decorate however you want. It will be perfect for your music and painting. You can choose to make it your room or just your studio and sleep on the first floor. There are plenty of rooms anyway. We are saving the second floor for guests or storage so it's really your call."

0000.1 seconds of hard thinking after I answered: "My room! I mean...It would be awesome for the whole attic to be like a gigantic room with the piano over there, my amps there, the bed over here, the study there...of course I'll paint the room before installing everything and..."

My mom burst out laughing.

"I'm so glad you like it."

I turned red. _Crap, I still haven't thanked her yet._

I walked closer to her and wrapped my hands around her, putting my head on her shoulder. She seemed really surprised by my hug and I couldn't blame her. I had been a brat for months now, since I'd learned that I had to leave my boyfriend and our previous home. All was not forgiven but this was a very sweet gesture, making sure I had this place as a sanctuary. And I was convinced she had to work hard to convince my dad to let me have the place. As far as I remembered I hadn't had physical contact with my parents since I was 10 and it was fine by me but right now I wanted to make her feel how grateful I was for what she had done.

"Thanks mommy," I whispered in her ear.

"You're welcome Paige." she answered softly.

We parted and I started to look around, lifting the white linens that were covering some pretty rad armchairs and some pedestal side tables. We were laughing at some discoveries, frowning at others, sneezing because of the dust.

"Well it seems like you two are having fun."

We hadn't even heard my dad coming in. We stopped right away, like two children caught doing something bad, and both looked at him. He was smiling. Genuinely smiling. I figured that it must had been hard for him to leave too, even with a raise and the promise of a better situation, and that seeing us like that had made him happy.

"Thanks dad. It really means a lot."

"You're welcome," he answered. "But don't make us regret trusting you."

Aaaaand he was back to his usual self.

"I won't," I said, looking at the floor.

"Good. Marie, I was coming here to get you. What do you think about giving Paige some alone time to discover the house and coming out for dinner with your husband?"

Holy wow. My parents, leaving me alone in a new house and going on a date? It was actually an awesome idea after the long trip and it would allow me to smoke a little pot Spencer had given me. _Good for the creativity. And I'll be able to test if the smell spreads out._

My mom looked as surprised as I was and her face lit up again.

"Sure!" she turned in my direction. "You'll be okay on your own right?"

"Of course! Please go out and enjoy yourselves!"

"We won't be long. We'll bring some take out for you. In the mean time, there is a box with paper and crayons for you in the kitchen so you can take notes and make a plan," said my mom with a smile.

She knew that my brain was already working at full capacity, imagining what I could do to rearrange the room to its full potential.

"Take all the time you need," I answered, not even looking at them as I was mentally calculating where to fit the bed.

"Okay then," said my mom smiling. "We'll lock the house behind us. Have fun!"

She walked towards me to put a kiss on my forehead and left, following my father who had already go down. _I guess the hug I gave her made her feel touchy-feely._

I sat cross-legged in the middle of the attic to let the energy of the room sink in. An incomprehensible feeling was crawling up my spine, starting from my hips and going through the back of my skull, as if tiny needles were poking at me, but in the meantime I was in some kind of euphoria. _This room is mine. MINE._ I could do with it whatever I wanted and I was totally independent.

I managed to tear myself from my mental planning and got up to go look for the box my mom had spoken about, but as I was walking towards the door I felt a cold breeze on my neck.

 _Darn._

There was probably a hole in the roof, allowing the wind to sneak in between two tiles.

The sun was starting to set, casting a beautiful light in the room, with all kinds of orange, red and purple shades, but not giving me enough light to be able to scrutinise the walls to find the source.

I walked towards the door to go look for a light - the attic didn't have any lamps yet - but it wouldn't open.

 _Fuck._

The door was probably stuck, same as when my mom had wanted to open it. I took a deep breath and started to push, pull and play with the handle. Nothing. _Don't panic Paige, it's okay. They'll be back in a few hours anyway, if you can't open it it's fine._ I wasn't susceptible to claustrophobia so I decided to just enjoy some "me" time and mentally project the improvements I wanted to bring to the room.

I walked towards one of the windows to enjoy the view. From this side I was able to see the huge garden and the pool - my dad's requirement when looking for our new home - and the lack of neighbours was reassuring. We had left a little town in the suburbs of Minneapolis with noisy old people living all around us, always giving us judgy looks from their windows when I walked in front of their house with Spencer. _Crap, Spencer._ I had promised to call him as soon as I arrived, but the discovery of the house and my mental planning had totally taken my mind off him. _Well played Mom and Dad._

As my mind was drifting towards my boyfriend I felt the cold blow on my neck again, raising all my nape's little hairs, despite my long mane covering it. It gave me chills all over and the fact that I had felt it at the exact same place on my body on two spots that were at least 15 feet away from each other in the room was kind of creepy, especially with the night approaching fast. I was trying to rationalise it, thinking it was my imagination or that it was logical that the attic had a few holes considering how old it looked despite Ms Vanderwaal's affirmations.

I ran my hand over my neck, brushing the cold feeling off, and as I was putting down my arm I felt something freezing touching my palm. Not a snippet of air. No. A touch. _Okay that's it, I gotta get out of here._

I went back to the door and started to pull it with all I had. Nothing. Not a movement. I shouted in frustration and kicked it but I had to acknowledge my defeat. I'll just have to wait for my parents to be back. I fell on my knees, my forehead resting on the door, eyes closed. _Ugh fuck._

And then I heard a voice coming from behind me.

"Paige...?"

 _What the..._


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks a lot to emma . ray, best beta reader of the world, for your support, advices and time.  
I also would like to express my gratitude to all of you for taking the time to read, and to review for some of you. This means the world to me._

* * *

I woke up a while after, sitting in an old armchair that was still covered by a white linen, facing the door which was now wide open.

 _What the fuck happened? Ooooh... my heaaaad..._

I ran my hand in my hair, feeling a little bump on the back. _I must have fallen or fainted or something._ It was pitch black outside and the only thing I could see was the tiny bit of light coming from downstairs. I had probably turned on a light while I was with my mom.

I rubbed my eyes and rested my head on both my hands. The last thing I remembered was that I had heard something and that I was locked in. I had no memories of sitting here or hearing my parents come back. _Then how the hell did I end up on this chair?! And who unlocked the door?_

I decided to go check if my parents were home, just to ease my mind a bit. I had always been keen to run tonnes of scenarios in my head so right now my brain was almost boiling. The most logical explanation would be that my parents walked in on me and sat me on this chair, or that I had walked there myself and fallen asleep. _Then what's that bump?_

I started to walk slowly towards the light, afraid of falling, putting both my hands on each wall while I was working my way downstairs. I decided to leave the door open, afraid it wouldn't open later, and walked towards the light that was coming from the second staircase. I had probably turned this one on while mechanically touching the walls. I found the light switch and shut it down, just to be sure this one was responsible for the stair's light and once in the dark, I noticed a sort of glimmer coming from the attic.

"Are you shitting me," I whispered.

I was there less than a minute ago and there was no light. No even a light source. What the heck was going on?!

This was the perfect moment, probably once or twice in a lifetime, where all your instincts kick in and you have to fight them with all your strength. Everything in my body was screaming at me, telling me to go, to run, to just turn on every switch and run to my parents - who, according to the lack of any other light, weren't home yet. I just wanted... my mom. First I couldn't open the door, second I awoke on a chair I had no memory of sitting in, third I had a bump on my head and now there was a freaking light coming from the attic? Hell no I wasn't going back there.

Or maybe I should.

Just to check.

Maybe there was a totally logical explanation for this, maybe the moon was glowing and was bathing the whole place in a white light, or maybe an old mirror was reflecting it and directing it towards the stairs, giving the impression that the light was filling the place?

"Come on Paige, you big old sissy." I said to myself.

I felt the panic all over my body but resisted with everything I had. I walked slowly, careful, to the end of the corridor, stopping at the door opening on this floor, looking up towards the stairs and the second door. I bit my lower lip, I bit hard, to give me strength to go back up there. This was a bit too much for a first evening in a new town and a new house.

The light was even stronger there, illuminating the whole staircase, so bright that I hadn't even seen it as clearly in broad daylight. _Shit shit shit._

I put my feet on the first step. _Good. Okay. Now the other one._ I started to climb, but in this moment I wasn't me, I was seeing myself from above, as if the anxiety that was crippling through my whole body had projected me outside of myself and I was unable to stop. But then I did. I stopped. I was at the top of the stairs, watching what the source of the light was. Watching but not seeing.

Some sort of big blue ball of light was floating in the air, slowly moving up and down, irradiating the whole place. The centre was so clear it was almost white, and the edges seemed to be evaporating into thin air, as if the ball was pulsing on a heartbeat's rhythm, letting its light evaporate like fog when the sun rises. It was truly mesmerising. I was as scared as I was attracted to it. I took a few steps towards it – _WHY?!_ \- and mechanically raised my hand to touch it.

The contact was electrifying, and as my fingertips touched it the light became so strong that it blinded me. I raised my hand over my eyes to try to discern what was happening but I miserably fell as I was walking backwards to try to gauge the phenomenon.

I was on the floor and the light faded, allowing me to regain sight and to discover what had become of the ball.

A young woman was standing in place of it, turning her back on me as she was moving towards the window. She apparently didn't know I was there as my fall had hidden me behind a big wooden trunk.

She was glowing a strong light blue luminescence, same as the "bubble" before her, and I was able to see the moon through her. She was wearing what seemed to be a roman toga but it was really hard to define the vision as she wasn't tangible, she was like a... the word wasn't even forming clearly in my mind.

I managed to stand up - I still have no idea how I did that - and a wooden slat cracked under me, revealing my presence. She turned in my direction and smiled. I stopped moving. If it had been possible, her smile could have enlightened the whole place more. She took a step - well not really a step as she wasn't really walking, more like floating - towards me and I took one back.

"Paige..." she said.

There was an overload of information freezing my brain right now, I was in serious need of regrouping. She knew my name. She was in my house. She was a...

"Ghost." I said. I was aware that my eyes were wide open, fixated on her, and it took me all of my strength to give a quick look behind me, trying to gauge where the staircase was. She was still moving in my direction and I was trying to put as much space between us as possible.

"Paige..." she said again, almost supplicating.

"DON'T COME NEAR ME," I shouted.

"I'm not going to hurt you..." she said softly, raising her arm in my direction.

I violently recoiled, stopping her movement. She kept her arm stretched towards me and her face dropped in apparent sadness due to my reaction. I was assessing her, trying to decipher what the hell was happening, how she knew my name, and who... what...she was exactly. She took a few "steps" back, allowing me to relax a bit. She didn't seem to be maleficent and my first shock was starting to fade away as fear was slightly losing ground to curiosity. Her eyes were looking at me intensely, as if she was trying to see through me, as I was able to do her, or to read my thoughts.

My breath was shaky, and it took me a minute to be able to speak.

"What are you?" I managed to ask.

She was looking at me softly, almost pained by my question. Didn't she know how strange it looked to me? One minute ago there was a giant blue ball of light in my attic, and a minute before that there was nothing.

She sighed softly.

"Your soulmate." she answered.

My...

"What?!"

This didn't make any sense. Not even remotely. Soon she was going to tell me I owned a pet dragon or something.

"Don't you remember?" she asked.

Distress was noticeable in her features and her voice. Although almost transparent, her eyes were glowing from a clearer light than the rest of her. They were like floating candles, easily discernible in the ambient darkness.

"Remember what?"

I wasn't even hoping for an answer that would have made sense, I was so stunned by everything that I thought by making her talk, I could manage to escape the attic.

There was nothing that could have proven to me that she was tied to that place, but I thought that if I was able to escape the room, she might stay there and I could run towards a place where light would be able to save me. She might have seen my inner fight as she answered: "I am not going to hurt you Paige."

"That's exactly what somebody who would want to hurt me would say."

She closed her eyes, as if my words were hurting her on a physical level. Even if she didn't have a body.

"You can go," she said without even looking at me. "I won't follow you. I'll stay here until you want to talk to me."

She didn't have to say it twice. I walked slowly towards the stairs, my eyes not leaving her sight.

I closed the door behind me and ran down the stairs, skipping steps as my legs moved fast, turning on every light as I passed switches, and sat on the front porch in a foetal position.

 _Okay Paige. Calm down. Think._

So. There was a ghost in the attic. _At least I think it's a ghost._ She didn't seem evil. She was pretty nice. And she was pretty too. But still, a ghost. An "it". Not an actual person. And what's with the soulmate thing?

I scoffed at the thought. I had one soulmate and he had the name of Spencer. A guy. My boyfriend. I had never believed in such things. _But I had also never believed in ghosts before that._ This was probably a trick, maybe she was an alien who wanted to take control over my body or something like that. I had read a lot of reports on UFO sighting and I always thought it was fascinating, even if my rational mind had told me it was bollocks. But it was still more believable than life after death.

Fuck.

I was completely lost, shaking as I was trying to make sense about what had happened. The whole thing had only lasted a few minutes but everything was branded in my mind. I was hoping for my parents to arrive shortly to comfort me and to tell them about the presence in the attic.

But let's be honest.

They would never believe me. They would have to see it with their own eyes but it might have disappeared before that happened, and then what? They would think I was trying to play a trick on them because I was mad they had dragged me here and the nice mood they were in would fade.

I was considering calling Spencer to tell him about everything but he would probably think I had watched Ghostbusters while I was stoned.

I started to laugh. I was really asking myself "Who I'd wanna call" and I think my nerves broke down. I was trying to whistle the tune as tears of laughter were blinding me. I was thousands of miles away from my boyfriend, from my best friends, I was living in a small town, away from everything, my parents weren't there and I had seen a ghost in the attic that was supposed to become my room at one point.

I was literally losing my mind.

As I was starting to make a terrible decision my parent's car appeared in the driveway. Great, they were probably going to have a lot of questions if they saw me like that.

I wiped the small tears that had formed and stood up to greet them properly. My dad parked the car and they both walked towards me, talking lightly, but I saw some concern in my mother's eyes.

"Paige, are you okay?"

"Yeah mom, no worries. I was upstairs and thought I'd come say hi when saw the car arriving. Plus I'm starving, I hope you brought me potstickers," I said with a smile, recognising a typical Chinese restaurant logo on the bag my mom was carrying.

"Of course," she said, smiling back at me.

She handed me the food, the smell of which awoke my appetite. My last meal was hours ago and consisted of some donuts we ate at a diner along the road.

My dad hadn't said anything, gauging me as he passed by.

"Did you have a great night?" I said, following them in the house towards the kitchen.

"It was acceptable," said my dad. "Our waiter was clumsy but the food was okay."

My mom tried to contain a laugh as she was looking at me, mimicking my dad's frown and mouthing his words with exaggeration. I feigned a smile, hoping the few pleasantries we had exchanged would be enough for them to leave me alone with my potstickers and my thoughts. And I was right.

"We're gonna go to bed, we're tired by the long journey," said my mom. "I hope you don't blame us for leaving you again. I'll prepare your bed in one of the rooms on the first floor. It's remote enough from ours so you can play music if you want."

An hour ago I didn't believe in the paranormal but right now I was also starting to wonder if something had possessed my mom. She was so sweet since we got here...

Reason kicked in. Of course she was. They had separated me from everything, it was logical they'd try to ease my transition.

"Cool mom, thanks," I answered.

"Paige," said my dad. "I know the house is fairly remote but if you could think about the electrical bill and not turn on every light next time we are away it would be appreciated. You are not a kid anymore, it's time you conquer your fear of the dark..."

 _I'm not afraid of the dark you butthead, there is a freaking ghost in the attic._

"Yes dad, I'm sorry."

"It's okay" said my mom, tapping my shoulder with her hand as she was passing by me. "Just turn off everything okay? I'll leave the light in your room."

"Thanks mom. Goodnight!"

"G'night," mumbled my dad.

"See you tomorrow Paige, we have a big day ahead!" said my mom, a little bit too enthusiastic to be a hundred percent genuine.

I waited to hear their door close to put the food on the counter. I sat on a high footstool and started to devour everything they had brought me, without any thought on the possibility they had brought more for tomorrow's lunch.

Once I had eaten more than enough to nourish a baby hippopotamus I took a few deep breaths and touched the bump on my head again.

As the minutes were passing by and becoming hours, I was starting to think I had dreamt the whole thing. That I had fallen, and then fallen asleep, and that everything was just a weird nightmare induced by the Tales from the Crypt comics I had read in the car.

I looked for my bag and decided to go for a walk around the house. The smell of chlorine had always appeased me, and I knew that smoking a small joint with my feet in the water would be calming and would erase the crazy stuff that had happened. I stopped moving for a few seconds, listening to be sure that my parents were asleep. Nothing. Good.

I rolled up a "magic cigarette", found a flashlight and went outside towards the pool. I sat on the edge, took my boots off and plunged my legs into the cold water. My dad had made sure the pool had been fixed and was in perfect condition for when we arrived so that I wouldn't lose even a week of training.

I turned off the flashlight, enjoying the calm and the lack of light. _No light, no blue bubble, no ghost._ The sound of the long drags I was taking on my joint were very calming as it was familiar and regular. The marijuana burning, the paper consuming...no sound other than this one. I didn't even want to be stoned, but just calm enough to be able to sleep in that house.

I put my hands backward on the ground, raising my eyes to the starry sky. I started to sing very softly, losing myself in the big canvas in front of me.

 _Starry, starry night  
Paint your palette blue and gray  
_ _Look out on a summer's day  
_ _With eyes that know the darkness in my soul_

It was getting late and the joint was starting to fulfil its purpose. I stood up, taking my shoes in one hand, drying my feet in the grass nearby, and my eyes were drawn towards the attic's window.

I knew I would have to go up there again at some point.

Not now.

But soon.


	3. Chapter 3

_Hi guys, thank you so much for all your nice words it means a lot! Thanks a lot to emma . ray, best beta reader of the world, your input is crucial._

* * *

I let out a displeased moan.

The shutters were really old, allowing the sun to come through the window uninvited and a ray of light was landing right on my face. I turned in the bed, making some sort of maki sushi with my blanket but it was a wasted effort. _Well, might as well get up._

I sat on the bed and looked at my watch which I had put on a chair nearby. 10am. Wow. I sure had slept a long time, and neither my dad nor my mom had woken me up. That was unusual to say the least, but I was starting to like the change of habits that had occurred as we changed house.

I put my face on my hands, massaging my eyes and cheeks as a way to be fully awake and it took me a few minutes before I was able to remember the events of yesterday. The joint had helped me clear my head and accept a few facts: there was an actual ghost in our attic, it wanted something with me, and I would tell Spencer about it.

With a new energy due to the good night of sleep I had and the determination that was coursing through my body, I put on some clothes and walked with firm steps towards the kitchen.

My mom had put a note on the counter:

" _Hey Paige!_

 _I hope you had a good night._

 _We decided to let you sleep as you start school in a few days. I went to town to buy some furniture and your dad is already at the bank. I'll be home for lunch!_

 _XoXo"_

I had mixed feelings about that note. Part of me was happy that I was left alone as I would be able to explore the house with very loud music, and the other part knew that my mother's absence was what I needed to go back to the attic. I had no real excuse for not returning there. _Except that I don't really want to._ But I also wanted to. I wanted to know more. I had spent hours yesterday trying to figure out what had happened, trying to find a logical explanation, a sensible one. But I hadn't. And the fact that the ghost hadn't shown up in my room nor made any kind of weird stuff was a proof that it – she – whatever, wasn't malevolent.

I walked towards the telephone that was hanging on the wall and punched in Spencer's number. Nothing. No dial tone.

"Wonderfuck." I whispered.

I sat on a stool, defeated, my eyes wandering towards the stairs and what they held. I had to go back. I was thinking about that image I had read hundreds of times and found boring as Hell, the goddamn moth drawn towards the light. My light wasn't a flame but it was sure brighter than the sun. If my mind was being as boring as to refer as myself as a dumb fake butterfly I surely had to do something about that.

So I stood up.

And started to climb.

Faster than I had realised, I was standing in front of the attic's door and decided to study it a bit. The first time I got there I noticed some sort of scribbling and I was beginning to wonder if it had anything to do with what was lying just behind it. From what I was able to decipher, someone had carved the letters "A.D." on it, as in Anno Domini or something. Hm. And just like that, before I was able to grab the handle, the door opened.

I entered slowly, carefully, still wondering why the Hell I was doing that, but unable to stop.

The ghost wasn't there.

I walked into the attic completely and started to look around but nothing. She was gone.

I didn't know how to feel. I was relieved, of course. But also disappointed.

It had taken me a great deal of strength to be able to come here again, to prepare myself mentally for a face-to-face with a spirit. I was holding on to Spencer's jacket like a shield, grabbing the edges with my arms crossed to cover myself. With shaky breath I managed to articulate.

"Ghost...?"

"You're here..." she whispered.

She had come out from the far right corner of the attic, as if the sound of my voice had triggered her apparition. I jumped.

 _Turn arouuuund, briiiight eeeeyes_

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," she said, an apologetic smile on her face.

"You didn't," I answered.

That was obviously a lie and she frowned slightly, laughter just perceptible in her eyes.

"Okay, you did startle me. A little."

She dipped her head to the side.

"Okay fine, a lot."

She scoffed.

"That wasn't my intention, apologies," she said. "I'm glad you're here."

"I gotta be honest," I told her. "I don't know why I came."

I was expecting her to answer, to try to convince me of something - of anything really - to try to make sure I'd stay but she didn't.

"I guess I was... curious, to say the least." I added.

She moved very slowly towards me, as if she was trying to test the water, and was detailing my face in search of a negative emotion inviting her to stop. I let her get a bit closer so that I could gauge her as well.

"That's enough." I said, in a very bossy way, probably inherited from my father's side.

She was really beautiful. More than just her ghost state, there was something otherworldly in her features. The perfection of her traits didn't seem to have faded despite her lack of substance, and she must have spotted my examination as a smile started to arise from the corner of her mouth.

"I'm sorry," I said softly.

And I was sorry. I was fixating on her, forgetting every politeness my parents had instilled in me.

"Don't be," she answered. "I know how strange it might look to you."

My grip on Spencer's jacket tightened again. I was tense, uneasy, and I had a lot of questions galloping in my mind but I was unable to focus on just one.

"Why don't you just sit and I'll try to answer as many questions as you have?"

"I prefer to stand, thanks."

The hurt. Again. I could see that my distrust had pained her once more but Hell, I had never seen her in my life before yesterday. How could I not put faith in the part of me that was telling me to run?

We were watching each other in silence, scrutinising from head to toe and I started to relax a bit. Her kind eyes and sadness-tainted face were an invitation to calm and trust - not that I trusted her - but absolutely no sign of ill-intent was laying there.

"What's with the clothes?"

Out of ALL the questions I could have asked this was the first one I was able to say out loud. Like...seriously.

Surprise was easily discernible on her face, mixed with hilarity and a bit of concern. She opened her mouth slowly, closed it, and opened it again.

"This is what I was wearing the first time we kissed."

...Okay. How do I respond to that? She's clearly deluded. And crazy. Crazy ghost. Not a nice combo. I decided to be open and simply ask to measure the depth of her delusion.

"Erm... what do you mean?"

"There was a chance you wouldn't remember...but I was hoping that seeing me like this would trigger memories of your past lives."

I froze. Was she serious with this past life thing? And plural.

"I mean no disrespect," I said carefully, "but I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."

She lowered her head, another sign of the grief I was provoking in her. I didn't get it: I had no recollection whatsoever about her, about past lives, and if I could just focus on the details, I had zero inclination towards girls. But the strange thing was that I was still here. I was still mesmerised by her, curious about her story and the supposed story of us.

"You seem to know me. You know my name. I guess a formal introduction is in order."

I took a few steps towards her, watching the light coming back into her eyes as she raised her head in my direction.

"I'm Paige McCullers."

I stretched my arm as to shake hers. The gesture wasn't calculated, it was more of a reflex than really wanting to know if she had some sort of substance - but still, I was curious about that.

"Emily," she paused. "Fields."

She mirrored my gesture and as her fingers passed through mine, fading into nothingness, images flashed before my eyes.

A boat. The jungle. The sea. A temple. A big town. A desert. Emily. A waterfall. An ancient city.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!" I screamed, jumping away from her.

She took a few steps back too, apparently as surprised as I was. Confusion was obvious in her features, I deduced that she had seen the same thing I had.

"I...I have no idea. Please believe me, I wouldn't trick you, I didn't know this could happen."

Her voice was pleading but if I was really honest with myself, I was more pissed than scared. I wasn't going to leave before I had some serious answers.

"What was that?" I asked again, more gently this time.

"I think...they were memories."

Her voice was hesitant, yet I felt as if she was more and more excited as she was starting to realise something. I frowned.

"What do you mean memories?"

"I remember some of the things we just saw. They are part of me, of you. Of us. They were from our past lives."

Again with the past lives.

"I don't believe in that." I said, looking at her right in the eyes.

"I'm pretty sure you didn't believe in ghosts, as you called me, before we...met," she said with a smile.

I smiled in return.

This was really fucked up. She had managed to calm me in a instant with the smallest quip.

"You're right. But still." I tried to bring back my poker face before asking: "How do I know you are telling the truth?"

She came towards me. Very close this time. I didn't move, captivated by her and all the noise in my head.

She raised her arm, nearly touching my face, and stopping on my forehead. I closed my eyes as she passed before them but I felt she was pointing her finger towards the scar on top of my right eyebrow, feeling a cold but not unpleasant sensation where she had brushed against my skin.

"Do you know what this is?" she whispered

This was getting too intense for me. I opened my eyes and took a few steps back slowly so has not to upset her.

"Yeah. I banged my head on a radiator when I was a kid. My cousin was chasing me and then BAM," I answered

"This is a lovely story," she said. "But it isn't entirely true. This is a memory from the second life we spent together. This is how you died."

I was too shocked to say something about how the story of me heroically surviving a radiator attack was lovely.

"Okay I think I need to sit down," I said, my legs nearly failing. I walked to the chair I had woken up in the day before and crashed.

I cleared my throat.

"There are a lot of things I want to ask but I don't know where to begin. And to be honest I don't know if I can believe you."

"I understand Paige. But you have to admit something happened," she said. Her tone wasn't severe, it sounded like doubt, as if she was weighing her words as to not upset me.

"Do...do you think we could try again?"

"No." _Yes._

"Oh."

"I mean, not now."

I wanted to try again. I wanted to see the things I had merely grasped. I wanted to know what past lives I had lived - if it was indeed true. I wanted to feel what I had felt when the images were flashing through my eyes. If I had previous lives, damn right I wanted to own them.

But now wasn't the time. And I really didn't want her to know how eager I was to try again.

"I have questions first if that's okay."

She looked like I had taken the weight of the world off her shoulders. I had given her hope but I had to take it away right now. Everything was going way too fast for me. She pretended she knew me but I didn't know her and I really didn't need a stalker-ghost in my life right now. Or ever.

"And I'm not making any promises. You have to know that I can just walk past that door at any moment and not come back."

"I understand," she said softly "I may not have all the answers but I'll try my best. What do you want to know?"

She came closer to me and sat on the floor, in a submissive way as I was higher than her. I slowly, and very awkwardly slid to the floor to be at the same level. I had no idea why I did that - she had offered me to be more comfortable than her, to be able to gauge her and run away more easily, but I felt strange lowering my eyes on her. I was now on the floor too, a few inches from her. She was looking at me weirdly, and in that moment I knew.

"So you love me?"


	4. Chapter 4

_I have to be honest: I totally forgot to post this chapter. I wrote it a while ago but I wanted to wait to have started chapter 5 before posting it but as you know, with the show, the videos and all that I have been quite busy (and nope, I haven't written anything for chapter 5... shame.) So apologies if you were waiting for an update as Rapunzel was waiting in her tower._  
 _Thank you so much for the reviews they mean so much to me. Thank you to emma . ray, best beta-reader of the world. For everything._

* * *

I wasn't sure why this question had passed my lips. Why of all the things I could have asked this was the only sentence I had been able to formulate. This was beyond madness.

Maybe her eyes had communicated with me on a silent level, maybe I had felt something in the softness of her looks, I don't know. But the words I had said couldn't be unspoken.

I looked at her with terror in my eyes, fearing any sort of answer as a positive or negative one would have had the same result: it wouldn't change anything. She would still be a ghost who wanted something from me.

She was obviously baffled by my question and measure was easily discernible in her traits. She was probably determining what answer I would want to hear, or maybe she was just trying to figure out what her really answer was.

"I...I have loved you in every life we shared. And you have always loved me back," she said slowly, as if every word was torture for her to pronounce.

"Something happened, forbidding me to be born again in this life, to be new."

She paused, trying to calm herself, and sadness replaced agitation.

"I carry our memories with me which has never happened before. So yes, I love you. And all the remembrance of you. Even if these memories are kind of a fog, the feelings I have are there, images are present in my eyes and I felt it when you freed me."

"This is insane," I grumbled. "Freed you from what?" I asked in a frown.

"I think I was...a sort of a bubble I guess? I had been wandering for decades now, and a strange sensation kept me here. And when you touched me I knew."

Her voice was still soft, peaceful, even if I could hear it shiver at some words. I had no doubt that she was telling me the truth, or at least _her_ truth.

"Wait. So you're telling me, you have some foggy memories, you have been a bubble for decades and now you say I am the one who freed you?"

"Yes."

It wasn't a definitive "yes", it was a "Please trust that I'm genuine" yes.

"Let's say I believe you," I said with a sigh. "What do you want from me now?"

She dipped her head, looking at her lap. I hadn't noticed she had been fiddling with her outfit for a while. Even if it was mostly transparent, I could notice the wrinkles left by her hand.

"I...I don't know exactly."

"Great."

"There has to be a reason I haven't been brought back to this life. We are meant to be together Paige."

"Maybe there is another explanation, maybe we're not soulmates. I mean...I...never had those kind of feelings for a girl and erm...I have a boyfriend that I love very much."

This was a risk. I didn't want to upset her or make her angry. But I had to be honest. I didn't want to lead her on as she was obviously deluded into thinking we were meant to be.

Her face dropped. She stood up and walked for a bit, hiding her face from me, before sitting again, further away this time, still not looking in my direction.

"It happened four times before, this isn't a coincidence."

To my surprise, her tone wasn't angry or sad. It was something else. Determination.

"Maybe if I was alive it would have been different. It would _be_ different."

"I...I don't know what to say Emily."

She raised her eyes towards me without lifting her head. This was the first time she heard me say her name and it seemed to have a special significance for her. It was as if a light had been turned on behind her eyes, even though they were mostly lights themselves. She wasn't smiling but I could see something positive in her face, almost like... _hope._

But her last sentence was bugging me.

"So erm...you think you can come back to life?"

"With your help, I do. There must be an explanation somehow, somewhere, as to why I am not made of flesh and bones in this life."

I stayed silent. Maybe this was a trap, maybe she wanted to take control over my body or something...I couldn't fathom what she wanted me to do and this was beginning to be a little too much for me. I needed space, I needed to clear my head and to think by myself for a while.

I stood up and she finally raised her head to look at me. I took a few steps towards the window, only to see my parents' car approaching and passing the gate. Perfect timing.

"I have to go."

"I...I understand." she answered, hesitant. "I will still be here if you need to talk. And if you never want to see me again...I will leave."

"My mom is here," I said, apologising. Of course this would give me time to regroup but if I was totally honest with myself, I didn't want her to leave.

"I'll come back tonight if that's okay with you?"

She stood up, approaching me a bit.

"It's perfect," she said softly.

I nodded and she mirrored my gesture, adding a smile to the movement.

"Bye."

I didn't even wait for her to answer, I was out before she was able to murmur a single word.

I ran down the stairs to greet my mom and help her with the stuff she had bought. Brooms, brushes, a lot of chemical products and some paint.

"Hi Paige! I trust you had a good morning?" she said in a giddy tone.

"Yeah, it was okay," I answered, taking one of the bags she was struggling to carry.

"So how do you like the attic?" she asked, walking towards the living room as I was following her.

"Yeah it's cool."

"Well I was surely expecting more enthusiasm," she said, laughing. "If you don't like it you can stay in the room upstairs and we'll just store some things there."

"No no it's fine, I love it, thanks!" I said quickly.

Even if I hadn't got the time to rest my head and think clearly I knew one thing: as soon as I had passed the door I wanted to go back. I wanted to see those images again, I wanted to learn things about my supposed past lives. I wanted to know more about her and deep down I knew my guts were telling me to trust her.

"So I brought you lunch because I noticed you ate a lot last night," my mom said with a smile.

"Oops. Yeah sorry, I was starving."

"It's okay. Eat and then we'll start cleaning. First the kitchen and the living room, but if you want you can start with the attic. I bought some products to clean the wood and then I figured white paint would be your choice colour so you can decorate the walls."

"Wow Mom...thank you! I'll help you downstairs first if that's okay."

This would be the perfect opportunity to not be in the attic and to have time to think. Even if I would probably have to use my awesome small talk skills to entertain my mom, I knew a part of my brain would be focused on a single task - figuring what the hell I was going to do.

"We did a great job! I'm so proud of us! said my mom.

"Paige go grab the Polaroid, I want a picture of us!"

I laughed frankly while going upstairs to grab it in my bag. We had cleaned nearly everything downstairs and we had already painted the living room. We weren't those kind of people who had floral wallpaper in every room and I was grateful that we stuck with white. It made the house brighter, less sinister to be honest, and I loved the smell of fresh paint. My Misfits t-shirt was ruined with white stains but it just gave it an original look. And I could always buy a new one if they ever came nearby for a concert.

I grabbed the Polaroid and ran down the stairs just as my dad was arriving, which stopped me in my tracks. Ugh. I wasn't too eager to see him again, especially considering the nice afternoon I had spent with my mom. _Okay, let's assess his temper._ I walked carefully towards him as he was looking around, probably judging our work on the paintings, and obviously turning the volume down on Grease's You're the One That I Want."

"Hi Paige."

"Hey Dad. How was your day?"

"Pretty good to be honest. The team is really invested and seems serious. I'm probably gonna have to fire their last recruit because I didn't like the way he answered me but _blah blah blah..."_

My mind was already in the wind. Little birds. Unicorns. Rainbows.

"Paige are you listening to me?"

"Oh yes, sorry, I misheard, what did you say?"

"I said you and your mom did a pretty nice job down there," he answered with a frown.

Of course he wasn't duped that I had been paying attention to what he was saying but I think I won points just by asking.

"Thanks Dad! We had a lot of fun."

"Good. That's...that's good."

 _Wow, calm your titties down there._

"Oh Paige, did you find it?" asked my mom.

"Find what?" he asked quickly.

 _Uuuugh, she didn't ask youuuu._ Why did he always have to put his nose into things that had nothing to do with him?

"Yeah I got it," I answered, raising my fist to show her the Polaroid.

"I agree, this totally deserves a picture. Come on women, strike a pose for me."

He was really scaring me. Maybe his new position of power and the prospect of ruining other people's lives had defrosted his cold black heart...?

"Oh and Paige by the way, did you train today?"

 _Or not._

My mom answered before I could.

"I told her not to as she carried a lot of boxes and furniture today. But tomorrow our little champ is getting back in the pool, right Paige?"

"Yes Mom."

"Okay now, picture time ladies!"

My mom grabbed me and passed her arm around my shoulder. If anyone had looked by the window he or she would have seen a perfect and loving family. And in my heart I truly hoped that this place would help us become that.

Dinner went smoothly and I was now lying in my bed, waiting for my parents to be asleep. I had checked a few times in the corridor but the regular sound of my dad's - or mom's for that matter - snoring wasn't audible yet. That would give me time to think.

I knew it wasn't good to ruminate those thoughts again and again but that was me, over planning everything. I had to make some decisions and more importantly, I had to stick to them.

Touching Emily had given me images of what were apparently some of my/her/our past lives. So touching her again would probably trigger some more now that I knew what to expect. The problem was that we weren't really _touching_ , I was more passing through her, or she was passing through me, so maintaining contact would probably be difficult. And nothing was proving to me that it would work or that I would see something else than just flashing images.

There was no use in me asking myself questions that I couldn't figure out on my own. It was time for action. I stood up and walked quietly towards my parents' room. Snoring. Good.

I climbed the stairs slowly, careful not to make the wood crack under me and walked towards the attic's staircase. _Deep breaths. That's it._ I was up there before I even knew it.

Emily had her back turned to me - _must be a habit_ \- as she was watching the outside world through the big round window. There wasn't much to see inside so I figured the night's sky was as good as any other distraction. I cleared my throat to announce my presence and she turned quickly towards me. A huge smile adorned her lips as soon as she saw me. It was pretty dark here but she was illuminating the room all by herself. If I was being honest, her smile wasn't innocent from the glow that was irradiating the attic. Without noticing, I had mirrored her expression. Maybe out of relief because she was still here, maybe because her expression had calmed me or maybe just to reassure her, I didn't know, but a smile was there on my face.

"Hey," I said softly.

"You came back."

Her voice was as smooth as silk. Perhaps she had time to compose herself while I was gone, or was it just the fact that I was back that had created that effect on her?

"I did. I mean...I am. Back."

Her smile grew even wider.

"Are you making fun of me?" I asked, a bit grumpy but not mad.

"No Paige, I am not. I'm just happy you came back."

We looked at each other in silence, like the two teenagers we were, one of them older than the other considering the memories she was carrying. The air was a bit cold there, probably caused by the old thermal insulation. Once again I crossed my arms on my stomach yet this time it wasn't out of fear. Emily noticed my shift of position but the smile that hadn't left my face reassured her.

"So...how are we gonna do this?" I asked.

"Do what?"

"Grmblf. well. You think there is a reason why you didn't reincarnate this time, and I wanna know more about my past lives. So how about we make a deal?"

"What kind of deal?" she asked, intrigued.

"How about you send me back and I'll try to figure out if there are clues about you not erm...reincarnating?"

I wasn't sure AT ALL about what I was proposing but that way we would both have what we wanted. I'd take a free trip to the past and in exchange I'd promise to look for weird supernatural stuff that could be clues to her actual state.

"I don't know if I can send you back," she answered, hesitant.

"I had no idea that what happened when we...touched...would be possible. But I guess we could try again...if you want to?"

This time I was ready. I walked towards her and raised my arm, the same way I did when I was introducing myself.

She smiled at me, covering the last few steps I had left between us to let her decide if she wanted to try again right now.

"Are you ready?" she asked softly.

"Yup. Born ready."

She slowly lifted her hand and I clenched my jaw. _Let's do this._

The sea. Huge trees. A steam train. A weird pyramid. Horses. Gold. Nothing.

I took a step back.

"I saw flashes again," I said without hiding my disappointment.

I was hoping I'd jump into one of my past lives and live some kind of epic destiny. Maybe I was a pirate as the boat I saw on yesterday's flashes and the sea were hinting on. Or the queen of some ancient tribe. Or even a Duchess during the French Revolution.

"I had them too. They are parts of the foggy souvenirs I have left, but with you they become clear."

She paused. "We can try again if you want. Maybe if we focus on the first image that comes we will be able to have all the memories of that life?"

"We can try..." I answered.

I had lost some faith in this adventure, I feared that once again only flashes would happen. I rubbed my hands together, preparing for Emily's cold "touch". She smiled shyly at the movement.

"Apologies. I guess the warmth that I feel when my hand passes through yours must be proportionally cold to you..."

"It's okay, don't worry. Let's try this again if you're ready."

I was taking no shit. We were standing closer than we ever were and she was breathtakingly beautiful. I was fascinated, not only by her ghost state and by what was happening, but just by her. The softness of her voice and...I shook those thoughts out of my brain. _Focus Paige. Past lives. That way you'll nail History this year._

And once again, flashes.

I let out a frustrated "Fuuuuck."

"I'm sorry Emily, I think I need to walk for a bit. Breathe the fresh air outside. Maybe try to regroup so I could focus better."

"Do you want me to come with you? We could just...talk if you want."

If she hadn't been light blue and almost transparent I would have bet she had turned red while asking me this. I was a bit surprised by the question but maybe getting used to her presence wasn't such a bad idea.

"I didn't know you could walk out of the attic."

"I...I can. At least I think I can. But only if you want me to. I wouldn't jump on you, I'll stay here for whenever you want to see me."

"Yeah sure, the night is beautiful, it will do us both some good."

She had told me she had been trapped for years and I thought that walking outside together, "allowing" her to see the stars, would put us both in a better state of mind. We both walked towards the staircase at the same time and during the three seconds it took her to pass through me - a result of our awkwardness - a vivid image came before my eyes. I heard men shouting "Land, land!", I was on a very old boat, entirely made of wood, a desk was covered in books and weird looking maps...and the vision stopped.

"Did you see that?! And hear that?!" I screamed, shocked.

"I did!"

She seemed as baffled as I was. Not only did we see images that weren't flashes but for the first time we heard something.

"Do you think it's erm...because we were more...in contact?"

Again, shyness was perceptible in her traits but I didn't really care, I was too rapt to pay attention to anything else than what had just happened.

"Probably yes! Want to try again?"

To say I was excited would have been an understatement. She smiled at me, indulging my ecstatic state, and moved in my direction without saying a word. She passed through me again, allowing me to go back to that boat, to fill my lungs with the sea breeze, but once again the vision was short.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I think...I think it's because you moved. Or I moved. I guess as I am passing through the contact is lost," she said apologetically, as if it was her fault.

"Don't move, I have an idea."

I was back in the attic faster than it takes to say "ghost". I had fetched a few blankets that I put on the floor. Emily was looking behind my shoulder, intrigued as I was setting up some sort of bed. I stood up, looking at it with a satisfied smile.

"Here, that should do it."

Emily looked at me with big question marks in her eyes.

"I thought that if the problem was staying in place, if I was lying down it wouldn't be an issue anymore," I said shyly.

"Indeed, very clever of you," she said in a smile. Another tone than hers would have made me question if that was sarcastic but there was nothing more than kindness in her voice.

"So are you ready?" she asked.

"Yup."

I lay down and moved a bit, uneasy even with the different layers I had put together. Emily walked towards me, her head above mine and as I raised my eyes towards her, I noticed she seemed uneasy.

"What's going on?" I asked "We can do this another time if you want."

"No no, it's okay," she said quickly. "Okay here we go."

She said the last sentence more to herself than for me, maybe as a way to give herself courage. For a moment she vanished from my sight then reappeared above me, floating in the air in the same position I was. I clenched my fists a bit as she was slowly descending, her body entering mine wholly.


	5. Chapter 5

_Nope, not hallucinating, I finally updated woohoo!_  
 _Thank you so much for your patience, your kind messages and all, it made me so happy to see you invested in that story._  
 _As usual, thank you so much to the best beta-reader of the world, emma . ray._  
 _I wrote a longer author's note at the end because I don't want to spoil anything. I hope you'll like it and don't hate me too much._

* * *

"Land, land!"

I heard the men shouting as I was banding my breasts, trying to make it disappear under the fine cotton shirt I was about to put on.

"¡Dios mío! I need to hurry."

For three months I had managed to hide my womanhood to the whole fleet, to be discovered a girl as we were finally arriving would make me lose the trust I had built with the men, and probably my life. I was almost able to call Cortés a friend, a relationship cemented during those long nights watching the sea, talking about his previous journeys to the Indies and telling him about my research for this expedition. I wasn't going to lose everything just because I was a woman.

Someone knocked on my door.

"Señor McCullers, Señor McCullers, we're finally arriving!"

"I'll be there in a moment!"

I had mastered the art of masking every inch of my female traits but an overwhelming feeling was rippling through my whole body. For a minute, I paused to look through my window, my mind running back to Sevilla where my cousin Esteban died a week before we were due to weigh anchor.

He was supposed to be in my place.

My mother had died birthing me and my father never overcame this double tragedy - the other one being that I was a girl - and he had dropped me to a long lost relative who was paid a very impressive amount of money to just take me out of his sight. I was raised as a boy as it was easier, allowing me to live my life as I pleased and to get the finest education. Esteban and I had grown up together, sharing everything, from sword practice to our love of books and our fascination of the New Worlds. We dressed the same way, people often mistaking us for brothers, and I loved being able to simply walk free without having a chaperone because of my gender. A noble woman couldn't spend time in a tavern, listening to the tales of those returning from the Indies, who told of discovery and conquest, gold, Indians, and strange unknown lands. When Cortés had started to look for volunteers, Estaban was one of the first to enrol. His knowledge of the New World and of the savages' language, his belonging to one of the oldest Spanish families and his youth were all assets that were in high demand for this expedition, gaining him a private booth on the ship as the expedition's scholar.

I wasn't jealous, I was thrilled for him, because I knew my sex was an obstacle to my participation in this enterprise. We spent his last moments before his departure studying as we had never done before, reading everything we could about Aztecas, their culture, their pagan rituals... but fate had been a cruel mistress. A week before he left, he got run over by a carriage and died in my arms, making me promise I would take his place at Cortés' side. And as hurt as I did by his passing, I had to do it for him. To honour his memory.

It had been hard, pretending to be a man, but my slight physique had been a great ally - it appeared natural for a scholar to not be as muscular as other men and to spend a lot of time alone to study, allowing me to avoid the company of others.

Another knock on the door got me out of this reverie.

"I'm coming!"

I had finished dressing myself and was finally ready to join the carrack's bridge.

The men were running from side to side, preparing the pinnaces, the small boats that were to take us to shore, screaming to whoever was listening that they wanted to be on the first round to land, sick of these months spent at sea. But Cortés wasn't hearing any of it.

"LISTEN TO ME YOU _CABRONES_! The first to land will be me and only me. In the name of the Lord and our beloved King Carlos V, I will bear that flag and put it in the ground before any of your dirty boots touches the sand."

He then got closer to me as I was still standing in a corner of the deck, numbed by the agitation and the perspective of finally realising my dream. And Esteban's.

"Look at that McCullers, they can't wait to get dirty with some Indians. Three months is a long time for a man right?" he said jokingly while pushing my shoulder with his.

"Yes sir!" I answered, trying to lower my voice to make it sound more masculine.

"The Aztecas aren't like those Spanish whores that go to mass every Sunday and refuse to get a little dirty. Here we'll be treated like gods," he added.

He then turned towards me and burst out laughing.

" _Dios mío_ McCullers, are you a virgin? You're all red in the face! Hasn't your _padre_ taught you how to be a man already? Boy, mine bought me my first _puta_ when I was 12! We gotta do something about that."

"Well sir... you know... with the studying..."

I tried to argue and give a figment of explanation as to why I hadn't sinned already but it only added to his hilarity. He then punched me on the shoulder with a malicious smile and went to order some men around as to how they were arranging the pinnaces. Cortés had made it a priority that some horses were the first to land because Aztecas were afraid of them. To them, a _cabellero_ was like a divinity of some kind, a two headed beast, and Cortés had joked about it a lot since his last expedition to the Indies a few years ago. I was fascinated by all these cultural differences and I couldn't wait to meet my first savage.

"McCullers! Come with me!" yelled Cortés. The huge man was sporting an impressive beard with a large moustache, and had a smile in his eyes most of the time. Although serious and very noble, I had seen the potential of a great friendship as soon as I saw him.

To be one of the first to land was an incredible honour, and I ran by his side to not make the man wait.

"Gratitude sir, you have no idea how much this means to me."

"Well don't make me regret bringing you in, if we meet Indians you have to do the talking and tell them we come in peace."

Peace. What a strange concept it was, as the stories of his previous trips were of slaughter and conquest. Of course, those soulless creatures who knew nothing of our Lord weren't humans, but still...I was curious about their culture, the way they led their lives, even to know more about their gods. A thought I kept to myself of course, as it could sentence me to death to even acknowledge that their religion was as important to them as ours where to us. Maybe if we taught them the true faith they would understand their ways were wrong?

I stood next to Cortés as men were sitting in the pinnace, grabbing rows in a hilarious tango as they almost hit the commandante in the head from switching sides.

" _Puta madre cabrones!_ Look what you're doing! Alright, get us down now!" he screamed at the men still in the caravel **.**

We hit the water a bit violently, almost overthrowing the pinnace, and Cortés mumbled something, probably cursing the men once more.

We were all exhausted from the journey, but a divine force was awakening us all. Land, finally. The promises of delicacies we only heard about in songs, the new land to conquer, the gold to bring home. The honour to our King. But if I were honest, my first wish was to find a fresh source of water and bathe away from the men. I had to be really careful on board, but on land it was going to be a lot more difficult to hide my true gender. The plan was to camp all together, I couldn't hope for a tent all to myself as these unknown lands overflowing with unknown fauna, flora and heathens could be deadly. Cortés knew of a tribe he had made contact with on a previous journey that was supposedly nearby and with luck, we could find them tomorrow.

I was in charge of mapping the land, tracing rivers and lakes, forests and villages on documents that will be precious for the good proceeding of our expedition. And who knows, if we ever leave this place alive, bring back to Spain.

We finally reached the sand and the whole pinnace was silent. All the men were looking at Cortés who was standing tall and proud on the boat. He grabbed the flag and a spear, attached them together, then proceeded to get off the pinnace. He took a few steps and planted the flag.

"In the name of our Lord and in the name of our King Carlos V, I declare this land property of the Spanish Empire!" he proclaimed before kneeling in reverence in front of the flag.

The cheers that came from the men were really far from human, and it took me some time to realise that I was yelling as well. Chaos reigned as they were all fighting to be the next one to touch the sand, to feel the ground under their feet and as sneaky and fit as I was, I managed to rejoin Cortés without breaking a sweat.

"Good job McCullers," he whispered in my ear.

Land, finally. It was a strange sensation, to have a steady ground under one's feet after these months at sea. Almost as if I was feeling the earth moving, turning. I shook off that heretic idea and started to focus on the forest not far from the beach.

I was excited. Scared too. It was something to be discovered a woman by the men – they would probably rape me and kill me – but to be able to almost touch this new culture, these undiscovered lands, their barbaric ways...it was all worth it. I wanted to move as soon as possible, to dive deep into those trees and meet my first savage. Try to establish some kind of contact.

Cortés was looking at the men and their happy rumble, some were kissing the sand, others praying on their knees to thank God they arrived alive. He turned his head in my direction, catching me in my thoughts.

"Don't worry McCullers, we're gonna leave soon. Just a few more minutes to get used to the ground, time for them to take everything off the boats and we' can go. You have your compass, right?"

"Yes sir!" I answered, almost in ecstasy.

"Good, good. COME ON NOW GUYS, HURRY UP! WE WANT TO SETTLE CAMP IN THE FOREST BEFORE NIGHT FALLS!"

The men gathered the horses, the weapons, and the many supplies necessary for our journey. Cortes lit up a torch, and once the boats were empty, set fire to them.

We all watched him in shock. Petrified by what he did.

"It has only been a one way ticket. We'll be rich, we'll be kings, we'll have _putas_ and when the king sends settlers, we'll find good catholic wives who will bear us heirs! We will never be forgotten!"

He was so convincing, the primary shock we felt was replaced by total devotion for this man who had brought us here, this fearless giant who survived a previous trip to this land, our guide to immortality.

"McCullers, you'll ride with me. You, and you. You'll be scouts. As far as our eyes can see you. We're gonna settle a camp a few miles from the beach, and then we'll explore further."

* * *

As the rest of the men were settling camp, Cortés, a handful of men and I, started to follow some indications the commandante had from a previous journey. He knew of a village nearby, under the rule of the aztecas. Their leader, Montezuma, had conquered a large portion of this land. He had great admiration for the Spaniards, as their pagan gods had sent him dreams about us. Cortés was sure of it, we would be treated as gods.

As part of our expedition, one of Cortés' closest friends, Lorenzo de Aalis, was walking with us. We couldn't bring the horses into that dense forest as we needed to cut through the vegetation to move forward.

I really didn't like the man: he was of course way taller than I was, large as a wardrobe, and he had a way of setting his eyes on you with such an intricate mix of hate and amusement that I didn't know if he could see right through me, or if he just hated everybody the same way he seemed to do me. Maybe I was spending too much time for his taste with Cortés, but I couldn't help being literate.

Cortés whispered. "Stop. Do you hear that?" He paused, "Running water! Not so far from camp! McCullers, be sure to write everything down and mark the place in that map of yours!"

While I was messing with my quills, ink and paper, they all moved behind the curtain of trees that was blocking my view. Soon I couldn't hear anything, except for the sound of water nearby, and the possibility of finally being able to bathe – carefully – was filling my heart with joy. I ran a little bit, trying to catch up with them, and behind the trees was the most beautiful view I had ever layed my eyes upon. A splendid waterfall was pouring down into a vast lake, rocks offering refuge from the falling water, diving spots for the reckless...or perfect hiding spots for my femininity.

Everybody was speechless. I even think I could have cried, but that's not what men do. Cortés was thanking God, and the two scouts were already running toward the lake while undressing, falling sometimes in their haste under our mockery. I looked at the commandante who silently gave us permission, and we followed the scouts in a hurry. I obviously wasn't undressing myself, pretexting to go around the lake to map it.

"What's the problem, McCullers?" asked Lorenzo. "You're afraid we see your tiny cock?"

All the men started to laugh and I mumbled something while raising my shoulders. If they needed to think that to leave me alone, I wasn't going to contradict them.

I started to walk around the lake, going as far from them as I could, away from their inquisitive looks. Not too far from the fall of water, I noticed a small tree where I left my bag. I sat down and started to draw on the thin piece of paper I was using to map the area. Once I was done, I started to carefully undress when I felt eyes on me.

Hiding behind a rock, a young woman was observing me. She was keeping herself out of the water by holding on to the rock, grasping it as a way to protect herself from me.

I was probably the first white person she ever saw, wearing trousers and boots, my breasts still restrained under the bandage, and my hair, attached with a thin leather cord - so many cultural differences that created the weirdest picture for her.

I extended my arm a bit, slowly, and softly started to talk, all the things I would do to try to approach a wild horse.

"Hello," I said in Azteca. It was a wild guess, considering the number of languages spoken in these lands, but it was the one I mastered the most and logic told me she wouldn't be offended as we were in Aztecan lands.

"I'm not going to hurt you," I added.

I was weaponless. My bag was a few feet behind me, and there was no way I could have reached it and grabbed my sword to protect myself without her thinking I wanted to do her harm.

"We are explorers, we come from far far away to meet with your people. And your King Montezuma.

"Do you understand me?" I asked tentatively.

"It's pronounced _Moctezuma_."

She was still holding the rock but had relaxed her embrace a bit. I was totally shocked. Not that she understood me, I had faith in my abilities, but that what made her talk to me was to correct an – honest – mistake. Her voice was soft, and the musicality of it was fascinating. I hadn't talked to a lot of Aztecans, only a few male slaves that had been brought back from previous travels, and the words coming from her mouth were familiar but sounded nothing like what I had previously heard.

"What is your name?" I asked.

"What are those?" she asked in return, pointing at my books on the shore.

"Oh...they are called books. We write in them. I am drawing a map so we don't get lost."

"Can I see?" she asked tentatively.

"Of course!" I heard myself answer quickly.

I was so happy. I was talking to an Aztecan girl, about my age, and she wasn't afraid of me. She understood me, despite my probably awful pronunciation. She was curious about me, about things she had never seen before.

I went back to my belongings, and she got out of the water, following me slowly but with determination and curiosity in her eyes. I was looking at her out the corner of my eye, carefuly, as she could have hidden a dagger under the water, but she was completely naked. She grabbed her clothes that I hadn't noticed were on the shore, a long white dress with red stripes at the bottom and on the sleeves, and tied a thin piece of white fabric in her hair. I had heard about it, it was a sign of virginity amongst savages. Maybe she was betrothed, or maybe she was a priestess of their weird gods.

She noticed I was very unsubtly staring, and smiled at me.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I'm just curious about you. About your people. It's why I've traveled this far, to learn more about your culture. That's why we want to meet with Moctezuma, to give him gifts as we hope to stay here and create exchanges with my country, Spain."

"Spain?" she asked. "That's a weird name. Where is it?"

I sat on the grass. She was still standing, a few feet away, gauging me, probably still analysing if I was a threat.

We were hidden by trees, there was no way the men would have seen us. I would have time to tell them about her later, maybe introduce her, but first I needed to gain her trust as their beastly ways might scare her off.

I patted the ground next to me as an invitation for her to come near me. "I promise I won't hurt you. Come see, I'll show you."

I unrolled the map of the world I had, and waited for her to come see.  
I always knew my frail disposition would help with natives - well not frail for a woman, but certainly for a conquistador - as I presented as harmless.  
She must have thought the same as she decided to sit right by me, her shoulder brushing mine, her smell of unknown spices filling my nose.

"See? We are here," I said, while pointing where we landed. "And Spain is riiiight over here. Over the ocean."

She seemed quite confused with the map, or she was lost about how we had managed to travel across the ocean, but she was carefully listening to me as I was explaining to her how we did it, how big were our boats, showing her drawings of Sevilla, and basically everything I was carrying with me.

She was an amazing listener, stopping me sometimes to ask a question, laughing at some things that seemed really strange to her. While we were getting to know more about each other, the sun had started to set. Hours had gone by without me noticing, and the calling of my name by Cortés and the others drew me out of this moment I knew I would cherish forever.

My companion, alerted by the screams, was now standing, ready to leave.

"Please," I begged. "Stay. They won't hurt you."

"I can't," she pleaded. "I have to go back. Come visit my village tomorrow, we are an hour in that direction. My father is tecuhtli, I will tell him about you."

I stood up right next to her, grabbing her arm firmly but carefully as to not hurt her, locking my eyes on hers.

"Before you go...may I know your name?"

"Tekipanoa Ixtlauatl. Or I guess in your language...Emily Fields."

* * *

 _ **Author's note (part2)**_

 _So there it is. First chapter of "Conquistador". I wanted to write a longer author's note at the end to address some things and be at peace with these past lives._

 _I researched a lot for it to be as accurate as I could but having to stop every two sentence to fact check stuff, I decided to really write it as a fiction, and not just include Paige and Emily in immuable History. It would take chapters and chapters to be accurate and explain everything but that's not what "Afterlife" is about. So I took a lot of shortcuts. Like... a lot a lot._

 _Some facts are true but a lot of them are pure fiction (Cortés didn't come from Spain straight to Mexico -Aztecas country- for example and that kind of things, but legend has it that he actually did burn the boats when they arrived.) so I hope the liberties I took didn't make you cringe too much._

 _I don't mean to offend anyone. There were very religious times, so I want it to reflect that a bit.  
I know Shay/Emily's ethnicity doesn't match where they are right now so I really wanted to take the time to tell you that I don't mean to disrespect anyone. Same will probably happen in other flashbacks (if there are... dun dun duuuun)._

 _And yes I felt the need to say all that because it's 2017._

 _I hope none of you are expert on this or you have probably stopped reading, or rolled your eyes so far back you saw your brain._

 _I'm having fun. For example I looked for origins of the name "Emily" and translated Fields in Nahuatl. Truth be told I would have loved to be 100% historically accurate, but I just can't. I don't have the time, nor the ambition to teach you stuff, I just hope you're enjoying it as much as I do._


End file.
